It Needs To Start Somehow

I think it is better for me if I start it with a story.

Many years ago, roughly around 2015 I decided that I needed to lose some weight. I was not unhealthily overweight — in fact I was just on the top border of my normal BMI (Body Mass Index), but I was not happy with the way I was and how I had let myself go. Like many people said over and over again, BMI could mean nothing and how you feel about yourself is more important than the number. I was not happy, and I decided that I needed to do something.

The next couple of years had been a journey, and by the beginning of 2018 I was over 10kgs lighter. In the end of that journey I learned a lot, not about how to lose weight, but about health in general. I learn a lot of thing about myself, and start to discover myself more. I become more confident, and I also learned to cook — something that finally took me to another direction of my life.

I became a chef.

This is when things went downward pretty quickly.

While I was focusing on myself, I was treating myself like a precious possession. I took care of me, giving myself regular maintenance. Ate at regular time, observing what I was getting, and treating myself with junk food as … well.. a treat. Working as a chef…

Don’t get me wrong, I love that job so very much. I love how inclusive that job is. I love the people, and that I have made lots of friends there. I love learning new things, improving my knife skill. I love that the job has taken me so far, I actually worked for one of the best ever restaurants in Norwich. I was trained under one celebrity chefs in Britain.

The only downside of this job is… well two downsides of this jobs are:

1. I was always surrounded by food. Tasting, eating, and nibbling has become a constant as I was working. The physicality of the job, I suppose was fuelled mainly by the amount of butter which entered my system. Real butter, obviously. And obviously… it is so… so hard to resist.

2. This is the biggest downside, actually. My life stopped being regular. I did not have enough rest, I did not have enough sleep. Some restaurants I worked previously did not even offer a regular shift. It was so hard to eat regularly, or properly.

At the beginning I tried to resist over eating, I tried to bring healthier option to work, although I could no longer eat regularly like I was before I started working. But not eating for a prolonged time made me way hungrier when I actually had time to eat. I over compensate by thinking it was okay because I had a very physical job.

We all know the story… It was a slippery slope. And I let go. It wasn’t good.

I started to drink less water. Because I did not have enough sleep, I started to replace it with litres of coffee. I stopped paying attention of what I was eating. I started drinking alcohol a lot, and let loose with puddings.

When the COVID-19 lock down happened, like a lot of other people who stuck at home, I started to reassess a lot of things. And I have gone back to where I began. Not as bad, and with more knowledge, but…

Now I am at the same state… not very happy with how I look, or how I feel about myself. I don’t feel healthy, and I don’t think I look healthy. So I’ve decided, I have to start somewhere, and this time I will document it. Hopefully this is the last time I am doing it… and getting rid of it for good.


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