These last couple of days felt a little bit scary to me. This pandemic has turned a lot of people including me into a semi hypochondriac. From the constant need to wipe out everything I touched, to pumping hand gel to my already drying hands… to feeling immensely annoyed when my husband did not sing happy birthday while washing his hands.
That’s not true… I wasn’t annoyed, I was anxious. Immensely anxious when I thought my husband did not wash his hands long enough. I actually decided that driving has given me less anxiety than walking to work because it means I did not have to cross path with bunch of people not wearing mask and not observing distance from me — talking about the lesser of two evils.
There’s a point where he got a little bit frustrated when he realised I actually timed his washing hands routine. Thing is, he’s already paranoid even without me keep reminding him how cross contamination works. So, he eventually asked me if I need to talk to a professional.
He thinks I am mad. I kind of agree.
Now… last couple of days, I was sure I was coming down with something. I was feverish, my throat felt dry, I had migraine for a couple of days. I felt lethargic, and tired all the time. I actually tried to sniff a tub of ground black pepper just to make sure that I haven’t lost my sense of smell. I had never been so grateful for a couple minutes of sneezing session.
Before this pandemic, I wouldn’t even think about these cold symptoms, especially during the winter months. It happened, and it went like it always had done. But after the pandemic, the slightest sign of coughing would prompt me to draft a will. I suddenly have this compulsion to over analyse every single sniffle, twitch, rattle… and that is exhausting.
When I was at work, I could get away from those thoughts for at least 6 hours a day at work, and 8 hours of sleep. When I am home alone, I couldn’t escape from it.
So yesterday when I found out that it was actually my time of the month… gosh. You have no idea how relieved I was. All the symptoms were explained, and all the worry was lifted. I didn’t even mind the migraine so much now, knowing that it wouldn’t lead me to a painful death. For once, I wasn’t so grumpy having to clean up the bloody mess, or feeling bloated, and craving.
I then realised that this pandemic also has taught me to be grateful for every little thing I have. Like the fact that as my heath is getting better, my period has been on time for the last 6 months! Like the fact that my husband who refilled my coffee mug as I was doubling down in the sofa because of my crippling stomach cramp.
I have decided to be nice to myself today when I went up on the scale. I mean, any women who are suffering from internal bleeding, and not being able to do anything but suck it up and grow a pair (uuuh… that sounds so wrong…), should be given a slack on weigh in days.
Here we go:
|this week||last week||current change||total change|
Not going to pat myself in the back, but I am not disappointed either. I mean, I have prepared for worse, of course… but I hope next week would be better. Less blood and tears… hopefully…
Talking about tears, I find that crying while watching films actually helped me with the stress. I think releasing some emotion for something that is completely unrelated is somehow therapeutic. So I had Forrest Gump, and Armageddon on recording and cried until my eyes hurt, and my emotion spent… and then I went to bed…
Of course I woke up ugly the next day — the whole swollen eyes thing. But, since I wasn’t about to go to work anyway, I don’t care that much. My husband had seen worse than just swollen eyes, and he stayed regardless… that silly old fool. Ha.
Righty ho… I still cannot sit straight for long now, because I kept having the stomach cramp. I need to lie down, stretch, and then curl up and definitely going to whine a lot, at least until the painkiller start to kick in.
See you again soon. Until then, please take care of yourself, and stay healthy…
Lots of Love,